Tests of Faith

The past week and half has been incredibly testing. My path to absolution will be long...this I knew when going in to this scenario.

An incredible couple passed away, reportedly due to a shuttle accident. The couple was Raze and Victoria Valadeus. I would be lying if I said they had no hand in helping me on the path I'm on now; Raze's steadfastness and courage in sticking with what he believed in was (and still is) incredibly inspiring. So too was Victoria's seemingly infinite kindness and patience for everyone, including those who disagreed with her or were otherwise vulgar or mean-spirited. I was fortunate to be invited to pay my respects to them. On Raze's coffin I left an empty scabbard, engraved with a few common prayers of the Ammatar Rite. I figured it symbolized Final Peace (a scabbard without a sword = peace) as well as how valiant he was in life for defending and holding to his ideals. On Victoria's I left a leather-bound book with empty pages. On the cover it read "A New Story in Heaven" in Amarrish. But these trinkets that I describe? They don't do them justice. As Headmaster Shutaq eloquently pointed out, we do them justice by living and acting as they taught. Where two bright lights of warmth and enlightenment were burned out in this dark universe, perhaps a dozen or more other lights were lit. I will strive to be a light, even when things seem to be at their darkest.

Peace be upon them both, and may God bring them eternal honor.

Other things that vex me as of late are the Matari capsuleers loyal to the Republic. I understand their opposition to the Empire's institution of slavery; even I oppose it on the grounds of it being an incredibly weak method of bringing people into the fold (if I may dare suggest, I believe the Empress would agree; she is freeing all ninth generation of slaves. Surely slavery is coming to an end!). What I fail to understand is their opposition to the Faith itself. There are aspects of traditional Matari culture which I admire highly and have even likened to analogs of Imperial social structures (clans being similar to houses, for one. The Nefentar caught on to this quickly). It goes without saying that I admire much of what the Empire has to offer (namely, the religion). I do not see why some sort of accord can be brought about. At the very least, a hybridization of the two cultures isn't impossible. If we are to bring God's light to all people, they should come willingly. I do not wish to wipe out the Republic or tell it what to do, but I do want my voice to be heard rather than be ignored or scorned as "blood-traitor lies".

Of particular concern are Ava and Kikia. I understand their anger towards the Empire due to its dark history of enslaving others (which, again, I am against anyway). Why must their anger also be directed towards God and the faith? I care for them like I would any other bredren or sistren. Why can't they see that? I don't want to hurt anyone..

Two Betrayals

Well today has certainly been interesting! A guy on the inside of the Fleet Coordination Commission let us access some NeoCom mailing lists. We essentially sent Nation propaganda to around eight hundred or so pilots. That was the first betrayal; the guy letting us in on those channels.

The second betrayal has been in the works for damn near two or three months now. I had a lot of time to think when I was grounded in that True Power station, and came to some ugly conclusions about Nation. I'm all for Unity, but with these recent and constant Incursions I don't think Nation is really pulling it off well. Nation wants Unity and to preserve human life and yet it invades systems, destroys lives and families, and generally causes more suffering than it seeks to prevent. A secular mindset following hedonistic utilitarianism tells me that the amount of suffering (negative utility) Nation produces outweighs the promise of Unity which it has failed to keep. Not to mention that my mindset isn't entirely secular; I was raised in the Mandate and so still carry much of the Amarrian religion with me.

The purpose of Integration is Unity. And yet to Integrate someone is to exercise your will upon them, which would imply that there are two individuals (two wills) rather then one Whole. Thus, Unity is not attained by Integration. And so by proxy, Unity is not attained by Nation.

Back Among the Stars

Well well! It's been quite awhile since I've updated these logs.

I managed to get another pilot's license. It was by the graces of the support staff of Crimson Path that this was accomplished; thealmighty1 and Alpha Slayer did a good job getting the funds together. Hev Shai'koth pushed the papers, of course.

It's been about a month since getting back in the pod. I had about fifty million ISK but managed to blow it; I set up a temporary HQ in Solitude but moved to a more permanent position in Placid. I've also managed to hook up with an alliance-mate, Victory Sparrow. It was nice flying on combat ops again.

New Eden is more interesting than ever! I've heard of things regarding Nation, the Sleepers, and wormholes. While I'm still in Shaktipat Revelators, a Nation-loyal alliance, I'm still quite fond of the Covenant and keep in touch with them. I'm more or less indifferent towards the factions, taking ISK from whomever will give me work so long as I don't have to shoot at Nation or Covenant ships. I've been building ships again, mostly Gallente (as I've started another blueprint library independent of my primary library in Nation space, so I'm mostly picking up Gallente blueprints due to the location of my HQ). I quite like the Catalyst-class destroyer, as it resembles a small Nightmare put on its side.

I really can't find much else to say. Oh, I haven't done boosters in about two months. I have, however, taken an interest in more natural substances (roots, leaves, etc), as they won't compromise my immune system like boosters do.

Semi-Permanently Grounded

Well I did not expect my piloting career to end like this. Shortly after the more or less crippling pod driver update my pilot's license expired. Being in bad standings with CONCORD, and with no way of bribing a CONCORD official or buying a new license off the market, I am unable to interface with my pod. I plug in...and nothing. Nothing.

"Updates"

As many capsuleers are aware, regular updates are made to the pod's hardware drivers. The most recent batch of drivers has left me more or less unable to pilot; every time I jump into a system I experience fluttering vision, a momentary black-out, and then I find myself floating around in pod goo, unable to control a damned thing on my ship. Of course I unplug myself and then re-plug into the pod's interface and things are back to normal within a few moments, but it is in these few seconds that my ship is incredibly vulnerable. Because of this I have been effectively grounded until the software is fixed.

At the time of writing this, I am stuck in the True Creations station in RLDS-R. I guess I'll need to find some True Citizen girls to chase around and court...

Questions and Ponderings of an Addict

*Rek appears in a short holovid, aboard the rather dark and small cargo bay of one of his many Reapers. This one has a small bunk, a table with a few old-fashioned things comprised of thin sheets of paper bound in leather know as "books", and some roots and vials of various kinds also rest on the table. One of the roots in particular, the "Raider's Root" is recognizable by those few familiar with the divining rituals of certain Blood Raider sects. Rek very rarely uses this root, usually opting for the more traditional boosters instead; it is clear he is troubled. He begins to speak into the recorder, but his attention is focused on the nether-distance.*

The path which can be named is not the True Path.

Is Nation a named path? Is it the True Path?

Every time there is a Nation operation my comrades are able to go forth and support Nation, and yet seemingly without fail some "accident" occurs and keeps me station-bound. Is there a Guiding Hand in this? Is this mere coincidence?

I have been called a puppet of Master Kuvakei, but what I have just Seen makes me question if Nation is itself a cog in something much more massive.

What's out there? What Calls me?

Is Nation in danger?

I have fear.

The Separation of Shaktipat Revelators

I am furious. Our alliance's leadership is splitting apart some of the most effective combat squad pilots I've ever seen, simply because of personal differences. While I understand they are no petty things to argue over the issue should not spill over to the rest of us. While I have always been respected as a corporate leader in SHARE, I've always listened to the words of Ghost Hunter and Niraia and trusted their wisdom; I consider myself "under" them in rank, in a sense.

We are being split apart. It's like some sort of sick joke. Other pilots on the Summit joke about "unity not prevailing after all".  I am half-tempted to contact the pilots I've flown with and trust and forming our own separate corporate entity, free of any political bullshit. No power struggle, no trust issues, just a gung-ho group of pilots in support of Nation.