A Somewhat Brief Autobiography (Final Part)

The rest is very recent history. I served in the Republic's militia but was terrible at Pilot-versus-Pilot combat. I was podded a lot, but didn't much care. The real issue was getting funding for replacing my ships. I would dip in and out of the warzone areas, going into high-security space to accept defense contracts against the Angel Cartel to make a quick kredit to buy more ships, and then I'd return to the warzone to have those same ships be destroyed. I improved in my ability to at least survive against or evade enemy capsuleers, and soon became decently proficient at striking Amarrian military deadspace complexes. So long as the ship wasn't commanded by a capsuleer, I could destroy it.

I never even gave thought to the issue of the mortals aboard every ship I lost or destroyed. It was only until a half-destroyed corpse flew into my camera drone that I even became aware of the mortals that I was slaying. I remember the corpse in vivid detail. A fellow Sebiestor, perhaps a bit younger than me. The vacuum preserved his features well; no tattoos or tribal markings (clearly a slave). I wouldn't have been haunted much by the sight had he not resembled my friend Gar so much. I shrugged the feeling away and kept on.

By the time I reached the rank of Blade Commander some months later (an age for a capsuleer), the grisly sights had begun to wear on me. Not even the boosters (with which I had only recently became acquainted) were taking the edge off. Every day I wondered whether or not I'd end up killing one of my childhood friends serving aboard an Amarrian ship without even knowing it. The impersonal nature of this type of warfare struck me as intensely cold and dispassionate. There was no honor in killing hundreds or even a few thousand with the thought-commands of "Launch missiles; fire cannons".

Then a larger thought struck me: "There is no honor in killing".

At this point it is more or less common knowledge of how I began to sympathize with and eventually side with Sansha's Nation. And it is at this point that I end my (only somewhat) brief autobiography.