Today was the first day that really stood out in awhile. I managed to acquire and sell off a beautiful Fleet-issue Tempest, which got me enough ISK to get a pilot's license extension. So that's that for another month.
I took the Incursus I had been fitting together for a test flight. Back in the days of Shaktipat I had flown the Incursus quite a bit, but never was able to use tech-two blasters. What a world of difference! Loaded up with Null charges it can get some great range, and I sense it is quite easily capable of taking down its analog, the Rifter. Of course I managed to do this, and shortly after lost the Incursus to a sensor boosted Lachesis.
A shame. But at least I'm able to remember it.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Quicksand
The days are really starting to blur. Today I did what I often do: take down Imperial convoys transporting troops and supplies to their bases in the warzone. It's a shame, really. As many as I destroy, the Empire seems dead-set on keeping their war machine oiled and fueled. I can't blame them either: we do the same. It is odd, being able to take the lives of a hundred-some crewmen aboard an industrial ship with just a few thoughts. I used to question the morality of it all. I still do at times. It seems almost unreal that I can take down a dozen Bestower-class ships in service to the Empire on an almost daily basis. I wonder if I'm really doing it all, in fact, or if it's just some memory on repeat. The latter is not at all impossible, given recent events.
Hourglass
Months. It's been months since I've updated these logs. I'll spare the backstory and simply focus on the present.
Teraa Matar is great. If ever I could call myself succesful in anything as a capsuleer, it is now. I'm becoming more efficient in combat in just about every way, though I am still quite green. This is all excellent.
As a person, things have been...complicated. The short-term memory loss is becoming rather apparent now. At first I attributed it to lack of sleep (I quit Sooth Sayer a few weeks back, which was how I fell asleep many nights), but now I'm not so sure. Hell, I had great difficulty even accessing these logs because I couldn't remember how to access it. I mentioned the memory problems to some newcomer (whom I had apparently already spoken to at some previous point, which I failed to recollect) and I was once again asked if drugs were the issue. I suppose old demons always haunt, eh?
I mention the memory problems first and foremost because they lead to another unfortunate personal event which I will not go into detail describing here. Suffice it to say, a dearest of friends was badly hurt. At the end of the day it boiled down to me not-remembering. If what she said is true (which I'm sure they are), I damn well wish I could remember these things. Such things are worth remembering.
An hourglass which has been flipped does not remember the last hour. It focuses only on the present, keeping it in consideration at all times until the sand stops flowing. With every podding I am flipped.
Teraa Matar is great. If ever I could call myself succesful in anything as a capsuleer, it is now. I'm becoming more efficient in combat in just about every way, though I am still quite green. This is all excellent.
As a person, things have been...complicated. The short-term memory loss is becoming rather apparent now. At first I attributed it to lack of sleep (I quit Sooth Sayer a few weeks back, which was how I fell asleep many nights), but now I'm not so sure. Hell, I had great difficulty even accessing these logs because I couldn't remember how to access it. I mentioned the memory problems to some newcomer (whom I had apparently already spoken to at some previous point, which I failed to recollect) and I was once again asked if drugs were the issue. I suppose old demons always haunt, eh?
I mention the memory problems first and foremost because they lead to another unfortunate personal event which I will not go into detail describing here. Suffice it to say, a dearest of friends was badly hurt. At the end of the day it boiled down to me not-remembering. If what she said is true (which I'm sure they are), I damn well wish I could remember these things. Such things are worth remembering.
An hourglass which has been flipped does not remember the last hour. It focuses only on the present, keeping it in consideration at all times until the sand stops flowing. With every podding I am flipped.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Changes
I really need to stop neglecting these logs....
It's been about a month and half since I last ranted here, at least by my poor estimation skills. So I'll give the short version of it all (at least as short as I can bear):
The Empire and I had a falling out. Not surprising, seeing as I've been shooting at Empire ships my entire career. It was also over disagreements in theology, and notably because I do not support slavery at all, whereas the Empire does. So I've entered my corporation, Crimson Path, into the Tribal Liberation Force. Most of the other capsuleers in the corp have been inactive lately, being tied up with out-of-pod duties or taking vacations or something. I've been working closely with a group of pilots called Teraa Matar, headed by Avlynka Surionen (otherwise known as Ava Starfire). In addition to Avlynka, the other pilots I've been working with are Kikia Truzhari, Kalaratiri, and last (but certainly not least!) Alexandra Jovakko.
I like being back in Ebolfer. It used to be such a quiet system, where I could almost meditate while my ship's mining lasers cycle through. I've noticed more enemy traffic in Ebolfer than the last time I lived there, however, so I've already had a fair share of conflicts.
Did I mention my love interest? I'm dating the aforementioned Alexandra Jovakko. She's a lot like other Caldari women I've met: cold, distant, and professional when in public but very warm and passionate when in smaller groups. She's amazing. That's not to say the relationship doesn't have its own issues (none of which are the fault of either her or I), but we've agreed to make it work. I like this!
The past few weeks have been filled with mining and building frigates. I hope this cache of frigates will come in handy; I plan on handing them out for free to Teraa Matar and other such groups. Hopefully there will be a larger gang roam in the future!
Oh, and dreadlocks. I have them now.
It's been about a month and half since I last ranted here, at least by my poor estimation skills. So I'll give the short version of it all (at least as short as I can bear):
The Empire and I had a falling out. Not surprising, seeing as I've been shooting at Empire ships my entire career. It was also over disagreements in theology, and notably because I do not support slavery at all, whereas the Empire does. So I've entered my corporation, Crimson Path, into the Tribal Liberation Force. Most of the other capsuleers in the corp have been inactive lately, being tied up with out-of-pod duties or taking vacations or something. I've been working closely with a group of pilots called Teraa Matar, headed by Avlynka Surionen (otherwise known as Ava Starfire). In addition to Avlynka, the other pilots I've been working with are Kikia Truzhari, Kalaratiri, and last (but certainly not least!) Alexandra Jovakko.
I like being back in Ebolfer. It used to be such a quiet system, where I could almost meditate while my ship's mining lasers cycle through. I've noticed more enemy traffic in Ebolfer than the last time I lived there, however, so I've already had a fair share of conflicts.
Did I mention my love interest? I'm dating the aforementioned Alexandra Jovakko. She's a lot like other Caldari women I've met: cold, distant, and professional when in public but very warm and passionate when in smaller groups. She's amazing. That's not to say the relationship doesn't have its own issues (none of which are the fault of either her or I), but we've agreed to make it work. I like this!
The past few weeks have been filled with mining and building frigates. I hope this cache of frigates will come in handy; I plan on handing them out for free to Teraa Matar and other such groups. Hopefully there will be a larger gang roam in the future!
Oh, and dreadlocks. I have them now.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Tests of Faith
The past week and half has been incredibly testing. My path to absolution will be long...this I knew when going in to this scenario.
An incredible couple passed away, reportedly due to a shuttle accident. The couple was Raze and Victoria Valadeus. I would be lying if I said they had no hand in helping me on the path I'm on now; Raze's steadfastness and courage in sticking with what he believed in was (and still is) incredibly inspiring. So too was Victoria's seemingly infinite kindness and patience for everyone, including those who disagreed with her or were otherwise vulgar or mean-spirited. I was fortunate to be invited to pay my respects to them. On Raze's coffin I left an empty scabbard, engraved with a few common prayers of the Ammatar Rite. I figured it symbolized Final Peace (a scabbard without a sword = peace) as well as how valiant he was in life for defending and holding to his ideals. On Victoria's I left a leather-bound book with empty pages. On the cover it read "A New Story in Heaven" in Amarrish. But these trinkets that I describe? They don't do them justice. As Headmaster Shutaq eloquently pointed out, we do them justice by living and acting as they taught. Where two bright lights of warmth and enlightenment were burned out in this dark universe, perhaps a dozen or more other lights were lit. I will strive to be a light, even when things seem to be at their darkest.
Peace be upon them both, and may God bring them eternal honor.
Other things that vex me as of late are the Matari capsuleers loyal to the Republic. I understand their opposition to the Empire's institution of slavery; even I oppose it on the grounds of it being an incredibly weak method of bringing people into the fold (if I may dare suggest, I believe the Empress would agree; she is freeing all ninth generation of slaves. Surely slavery is coming to an end!). What I fail to understand is their opposition to the Faith itself. There are aspects of traditional Matari culture which I admire highly and have even likened to analogs of Imperial social structures (clans being similar to houses, for one. The Nefentar caught on to this quickly). It goes without saying that I admire much of what the Empire has to offer (namely, the religion). I do not see why some sort of accord can be brought about. At the very least, a hybridization of the two cultures isn't impossible. If we are to bring God's light to all people, they should come willingly. I do not wish to wipe out the Republic or tell it what to do, but I do want my voice to be heard rather than be ignored or scorned as "blood-traitor lies".
Of particular concern are Ava and Kikia. I understand their anger towards the Empire due to its dark history of enslaving others (which, again, I am against anyway). Why must their anger also be directed towards God and the faith? I care for them like I would any other bredren or sistren. Why can't they see that? I don't want to hurt anyone..
An incredible couple passed away, reportedly due to a shuttle accident. The couple was Raze and Victoria Valadeus. I would be lying if I said they had no hand in helping me on the path I'm on now; Raze's steadfastness and courage in sticking with what he believed in was (and still is) incredibly inspiring. So too was Victoria's seemingly infinite kindness and patience for everyone, including those who disagreed with her or were otherwise vulgar or mean-spirited. I was fortunate to be invited to pay my respects to them. On Raze's coffin I left an empty scabbard, engraved with a few common prayers of the Ammatar Rite. I figured it symbolized Final Peace (a scabbard without a sword = peace) as well as how valiant he was in life for defending and holding to his ideals. On Victoria's I left a leather-bound book with empty pages. On the cover it read "A New Story in Heaven" in Amarrish. But these trinkets that I describe? They don't do them justice. As Headmaster Shutaq eloquently pointed out, we do them justice by living and acting as they taught. Where two bright lights of warmth and enlightenment were burned out in this dark universe, perhaps a dozen or more other lights were lit. I will strive to be a light, even when things seem to be at their darkest.
Peace be upon them both, and may God bring them eternal honor.
Other things that vex me as of late are the Matari capsuleers loyal to the Republic. I understand their opposition to the Empire's institution of slavery; even I oppose it on the grounds of it being an incredibly weak method of bringing people into the fold (if I may dare suggest, I believe the Empress would agree; she is freeing all ninth generation of slaves. Surely slavery is coming to an end!). What I fail to understand is their opposition to the Faith itself. There are aspects of traditional Matari culture which I admire highly and have even likened to analogs of Imperial social structures (clans being similar to houses, for one. The Nefentar caught on to this quickly). It goes without saying that I admire much of what the Empire has to offer (namely, the religion). I do not see why some sort of accord can be brought about. At the very least, a hybridization of the two cultures isn't impossible. If we are to bring God's light to all people, they should come willingly. I do not wish to wipe out the Republic or tell it what to do, but I do want my voice to be heard rather than be ignored or scorned as "blood-traitor lies".
Of particular concern are Ava and Kikia. I understand their anger towards the Empire due to its dark history of enslaving others (which, again, I am against anyway). Why must their anger also be directed towards God and the faith? I care for them like I would any other bredren or sistren. Why can't they see that? I don't want to hurt anyone..
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Two Betrayals
Well today has certainly been interesting! A guy on the inside of the Fleet Coordination Commission let us access some NeoCom mailing lists. We essentially sent Nation propaganda to around eight hundred or so pilots. That was the first betrayal; the guy letting us in on those channels.
The second betrayal has been in the works for damn near two or three months now. I had a lot of time to think when I was grounded in that True Power station, and came to some ugly conclusions about Nation. I'm all for Unity, but with these recent and constant Incursions I don't think Nation is really pulling it off well. Nation wants Unity and to preserve human life and yet it invades systems, destroys lives and families, and generally causes more suffering than it seeks to prevent. A secular mindset following hedonistic utilitarianism tells me that the amount of suffering (negative utility) Nation produces outweighs the promise of Unity which it has failed to keep. Not to mention that my mindset isn't entirely secular; I was raised in the Mandate and so still carry much of the Amarrian religion with me.
The purpose of Integration is Unity. And yet to Integrate someone is to exercise your will upon them, which would imply that there are two individuals (two wills) rather then one Whole. Thus, Unity is not attained by Integration. And so by proxy, Unity is not attained by Nation.
The second betrayal has been in the works for damn near two or three months now. I had a lot of time to think when I was grounded in that True Power station, and came to some ugly conclusions about Nation. I'm all for Unity, but with these recent and constant Incursions I don't think Nation is really pulling it off well. Nation wants Unity and to preserve human life and yet it invades systems, destroys lives and families, and generally causes more suffering than it seeks to prevent. A secular mindset following hedonistic utilitarianism tells me that the amount of suffering (negative utility) Nation produces outweighs the promise of Unity which it has failed to keep. Not to mention that my mindset isn't entirely secular; I was raised in the Mandate and so still carry much of the Amarrian religion with me.
The purpose of Integration is Unity. And yet to Integrate someone is to exercise your will upon them, which would imply that there are two individuals (two wills) rather then one Whole. Thus, Unity is not attained by Integration. And so by proxy, Unity is not attained by Nation.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Back Among the Stars
Well well! It's been quite awhile since I've updated these logs.
I managed to get another pilot's license. It was by the graces of the support staff of Crimson Path that this was accomplished; thealmighty1 and Alpha Slayer did a good job getting the funds together. Hev Shai'koth pushed the papers, of course.
It's been about a month since getting back in the pod. I had about fifty million ISK but managed to blow it; I set up a temporary HQ in Solitude but moved to a more permanent position in Placid. I've also managed to hook up with an alliance-mate, Victory Sparrow. It was nice flying on combat ops again.
New Eden is more interesting than ever! I've heard of things regarding Nation, the Sleepers, and wormholes. While I'm still in Shaktipat Revelators, a Nation-loyal alliance, I'm still quite fond of the Covenant and keep in touch with them. I'm more or less indifferent towards the factions, taking ISK from whomever will give me work so long as I don't have to shoot at Nation or Covenant ships. I've been building ships again, mostly Gallente (as I've started another blueprint library independent of my primary library in Nation space, so I'm mostly picking up Gallente blueprints due to the location of my HQ). I quite like the Catalyst-class destroyer, as it resembles a small Nightmare put on its side.
I really can't find much else to say. Oh, I haven't done boosters in about two months. I have, however, taken an interest in more natural substances (roots, leaves, etc), as they won't compromise my immune system like boosters do.
I managed to get another pilot's license. It was by the graces of the support staff of Crimson Path that this was accomplished; thealmighty1 and Alpha Slayer did a good job getting the funds together. Hev Shai'koth pushed the papers, of course.
It's been about a month since getting back in the pod. I had about fifty million ISK but managed to blow it; I set up a temporary HQ in Solitude but moved to a more permanent position in Placid. I've also managed to hook up with an alliance-mate, Victory Sparrow. It was nice flying on combat ops again.
New Eden is more interesting than ever! I've heard of things regarding Nation, the Sleepers, and wormholes. While I'm still in Shaktipat Revelators, a Nation-loyal alliance, I'm still quite fond of the Covenant and keep in touch with them. I'm more or less indifferent towards the factions, taking ISK from whomever will give me work so long as I don't have to shoot at Nation or Covenant ships. I've been building ships again, mostly Gallente (as I've started another blueprint library independent of my primary library in Nation space, so I'm mostly picking up Gallente blueprints due to the location of my HQ). I quite like the Catalyst-class destroyer, as it resembles a small Nightmare put on its side.
I really can't find much else to say. Oh, I haven't done boosters in about two months. I have, however, taken an interest in more natural substances (roots, leaves, etc), as they won't compromise my immune system like boosters do.
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